She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book