Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.