Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.