He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.