If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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