The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
