youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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