maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
