My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
