You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
