i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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