sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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