I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
