I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
