remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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