wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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