we have officially lost it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
