Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
