Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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