Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this beer tastes like vomit already
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
