I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
