I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
