what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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