I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
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We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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