i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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