What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
