Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
