Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
