I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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