wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drunk is not a location!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
