NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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