I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
