i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't turn off my feet"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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