Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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