when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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