he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
