the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
