I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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