It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
