I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
