I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize