i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
