dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
