i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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