No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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