September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
