is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
