You smell like stripper and shame
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
