I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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