Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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