I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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