if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
