I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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