i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
