we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
