We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she looked like the before picture.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
