dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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