Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
