so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just googled if crying burns calories
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
