I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
