yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
